More is More......Right??

There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment, and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp and even the ones we are willing to make. All I can say is commitments are complicated. True commitment, takes effort, and sacrifice to make work. Which is why sometimes, we have to learn the hard way, to choose our commitments very carefully. So, when we do decide to take the chance with that special someone we set the expectations and we all think everything will be great and when they are not we feel robbed and hurt. Sometimes though, those expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales to the comparison to the unexpected. You have to wonder why we cling to some of our expectations. I think they keep us steady, keep us within our “comfort zone.” Expectations keep us safe from hurt but standing still the expected is the beginning, just the norm. It is the unexpected that changes our lives.

No one believes that his or her life will turn out just kind of okay. We all think we are going to be great. And from the day we decide to be surgeons, we are filled with expectation. Great expectations of who we will be, where we will go. And then... we get there.

People have scars, in all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret roadmaps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds, most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.

The thing about plans is they don't take into account the unexpected, so when we're thrown a curve ball, whether it’s at work or in life, we have to improvise. Of course, some of us are better at it than others. Some of us just have to move on to plan B, and make the best of it. And sometimes what we want is exactly what we need. But sometimes, sometimes what we need is a new plan.

You know when your parents or family member is pouring water into your empty glass and they would say “Say when” and, of course, we never did. We don't say when because there's something about the possibility, of more. More alcohol, more love. More of anything; more is better.

Better Now

If i had one call to make

I would dial yesterday and warn myself

Tell my lips the words to say

Not let you just walk away

With someone else

With someone else

[Chorus]

Next time, i wont suffer this kind of pain

Own my mistakes

Not just pass off all the blame

If you were here, we could figure this out

Then i wouldn't be bitter

I'd just be better now.

To be the strong and silent one

A lot of good that has done

Yes, you'd agree

No more tryin' to understand

Or fix these things because you can

Guess it's up to me

Yeah, it's up to me

[Repeat Chorus]

I'd be much better off

Much better off, maybe

If i could just let it go

With no regrets then

[Chorus]

Next time, I won't suffer this kind of pain

Own my mistakes

Not just pass off all the blame

You'd still be here,and we'd figure this out

Then i wouldn't be better (I wouldn't be better)

oh, no I wouldn't be bitter

I'd just be better now

oh

Drowning

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass and, when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long before we finally realize the totality of all the lies. We are tired; we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth; it just helps for a brief moment. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing! So how do you keep from drowning in it? Honestly, there is no real answer. Denial makes it easier, makes life easier, you know to cope with. We sit there and pretend nothing is wrong and then BAM it hits us like a ton of bricks and, guess what. IT HURTS!!!

We feel the pain and well we just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more when you try. Maybe just maybe the solution here is to just face it and let it run its course.

So I think that we as humans are just not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is and just appreciate the small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human; to feel human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know and, maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is, I think, reason enough to celebrate.

So, like children we hope for everything to be ok. For us to be happy, like a fairy tale that will never end and we will become those prince and princesses we have read so much about. Unfortunately, we have to face life head on and well, grow up. Do we want to? HELL NO!! I've heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it, and we hope - against all logic, against all experience. So, like children, we never give up hope... that well something will turn right and shine through all odds.